Relationships are like breathing— we can’t do life without it.
From the earliest parental bonds, primary school besties, first love, right through to wherever you find yourself today on the relationship continuum. You’ve done your fair share of making and breaking of them.
At some point, when you’ve been through a tough breakup, you start to ask yourself why. This questioning is a healthy response to our basic human need to understand ourselves better.
And what better way to understand yourself than through the mirror of those we form our most intimate bonds?
Below we’ll explore the making and breaking of relationships— understanding how you love through the lens of astrology.
Venus— love, attraction & connection
The making of relationships
It’s human nature to desire connection. It’s human nature to love.
To understand these dynamics, we start with Venus, the planet that best describes how we relate and what we attract.
As one of the brightest objects in the sky, early observers likely first took note of Venus’ beauty. What does beauty have to do with love?
When in the presence of beauty, the body tends to calm down. Think nature, art, music, interior design, and healthy relationships. They all can regulate your nervous system depending on what you find pleasing. And Venus doesn’t do anything that isn’t pleasing.
We fall in love and form relationships because it feels good.
In addition to feeling good, relationships also provide a way to learn about ourselves through how another sees us. And they are a source of self-esteem and self-worth.
Your Venus sign will help you unpack specifics around what you value, attract, and how you love. Additionally, the interpretation of your Venus gets modified by its house placement, relationship to other planets, and whether it rose after or before the Sun (evening or morning star, respectively).
The breaking of relationships
Venus is also our starting point to address relationship challenges because it reveals what we find aesthetically beautiful and pleasing and, therefore, what we value.
What we love, we value.
Many relationship issues result from a mismatch of values.
Values are not static. What we value in love relationships in our twenties may differ from what we value in our seventies.
Relationships break down when there isn’t enough overlap in values. If you find your values changing, engage with your partner sooner rather than later on what is shifting. Even more essential when only one person in the partnership acknowledges the change.
Anyone in a long-term relationship also knows that priorities shift as well. Once a relationship feels solid enough, either partner can take it for granted.
Venus’ shadow
All planets have healthy and unhealthy expressions. Light and shadow. Shadow Venusian behaviors include:
- People-pleasing
- “Peace-keeping” at all costs
- Indecision
- Possessiveness
- Only here for the good times
- Prolonged disconnection
- Losing yourself in another person
If you’re expressing these shadow behaviors, work with an astrologer, therapist, healer, or coach to return to a healthier expression.
Breakups still happen even when both people involved work with their healthiest expression of love. Not all relationships are meant to go the distance. Take comfort in knowing that you will love again when you’re ready.
Getting to know both sides of Venus
Venus is associated with two signs, Taurus and Libra. Both help us paint a broader picture of how Venus functions in relationships. Venus shows us its earthy, more materialistic side with Taurus, and with Libra, Venus displays its airy, more sociable side.
The Taurean side of Venus values the tangible things that bring pleasure
Taurus — The Nature-lover, Musician, Material Girl
Season: Mid-spring
Element: Earth
Mode: Fixed
Taurus represents the earthy, sensual side of Venus. It prioritizes physical comforts, an effortless way of life, and beauty inherent in nature. Because Taurus attunes us to our surroundings, it also reminds us to take good care of the body. Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, and play just because it feels good.
If you relate more to the Taurean side of Venus, you desire uncomplicated relationships that are a source of pleasure and comfort. You are attracted to people and things that provide a sense of physical safety. Beauty, whether in the form of a designer handbag or nature, can help us feel safe. Remember that safety is subjective and different for each of us.
Your relationships will likely appeal to your five senses and provide grounding and calm. Just the smell of a partner can bring you closer to them.
For the Taurean side of Venus, relationship breaks usually occur when you know longer feel physically safe, whether real or imagined. Financial loss, a change in the tone of voice when communicating, lack of physical intimacy, low self-esteem, and not feeling valued are all possible reasons why disconnection may occur in Taurean relationships.
The good news is that as a fixed sign, it takes a lot to break up your relationships.
The Libran side of Venus values ideas, concepts, and morality
Libra — The Lover, Peacemaker, Artist
Season: Early-autumn
Element: Air
Mode: Cardinal
The Libran side of Venus attunes to the desires of others. Satisfying what pleases those around us brings pleasure to this side of Venus. As an air sign, Libra equips Venus with social graces and diplomacy. This side of Venus demonstrates the art of compromise in relationships.
If you identify more with the Libran archetype in relationships, you value fairness, justice, and equity. Mutual respect will also be at the core of such relationships.
Libran relationship breaks usually occur when disrespect has occurred. When there appears to be no consideration of the other, this side of Venus has a hard time recovering.
As a cardinal sign, the good news is that making new relationships comes easy.
Both sides are part of you
Whether you identify with the earthy or airy side of Venus, both will play a role in the making and breaking of your relationships. Your tendency toward one or the other changes as you grow and develop.
Venus retrograde is an essential cycle of up-leveling your relationships
Even though you understand how Venus functions for you in your life, things come along through transits to upset the normal flow.
Venus retrogrades every couple of years. When this happens, it signifies a period of personal development around our relationships, values, money, pleasures, and comforts.
The value we place on things is subjective and changeable. Venus retrograde cycles provide an opportunity to reassess what we consider of value. Look at your relationships, what you find pleasurable, how you spend money and time, and what you physically own to help you get a sense of what you actually value.
During a Venus retrograde, consider the changes you want to make in your relationships for when Venus goes direct. It’s a time when you have more courage to shift things in a real way. When retrograde, Venus doesn’t want you to get caught up in peace-keeping or feeling selfish for honoring your new desires.
Some general guidance for Venus retrograde periods:
- Create space for reflection and evaluation on the Venusian topics discussed above.
- Refocus on self-love and practices that build confidence and self-worth
- Revisit desires of the heart; do you still want it? If not, what will need to change?
- Limit making new commitments.
- Limit acquisition of new things; perhaps a “no spend/no buy month” could work well.
- Limit significant changes to physical features — maybe don’t try those bangs just yet.
Other relationship significations in astrology
In practice, your entire natal chart has something to say about how you do relationships; however, in addition to Venus, you will want to understand the condition of the following:
Seventh House/Descendant
Life unfolds in twelve houses of a birth chart. The First House/ascendant represents you, your body, and your self-image. Lying opposite is the Seventh House/descendant, representing the other, or House of Partnerships—personal and business.
The 7th House describes the type of partners you attract and what you want from them. Planets in the Seventh House add additional details.
Pro-tip: Pay attention to the condition of the ruler of the 7th House. That is the planet associated with the sign in your Seventh House.
Sun
Like Venus, the Sun is an attractive force. It supports the pulling of people toward each other. What you admire (or not) in others is reflected in the qualities of your Sun sign.
“Can you see me?” This is an essential question to ask in relationships. The more you can express your solar self, the better you’ll be seen by another.
Moon
Values represented by Venus are important in relating; however, the Moon should not be neglected. It supports deeper, lasting connections.
The Moon represents your emotional needs and can describe your earliest relationship with your caregiver or guardian. Therefore our fears of abandonment, loss, and grief are wrapped up in our natal Moon placement. Anything unresolved from childhood will make an appearance in your one-on-one relationships. When they do, try not to beat yourself up. It’s perfectly natural to resolve childhood pain in current relationships to heal. Once you know it, you can seek help and find healthier outlets to resolve past pain.
Here is a helpful article for further understanding the role of the Moon- The Healing Powers of the Moon and How to Align with it.
Mars
Love and hate. War and peace. They are different sides of the same coin. Astrology has this same complementary structure for both planets and signs. So when we talk about Venus, we must also speak of Mars.
Your natal Mars describes how you assert yourself in the world. Where Venus is subtle, Mars takes a direct approach to getting what it wants. Said another way, Mars describes how you fight. Mars helps protect your boundaries, ideas, and who and what you love. It also gives you the drive to persevere after heartbreak.
Have questions about your relationships?
The above guidance should not be taken as a replacement for personalized astrological support around critical relationship issues. Like with most things, you get the best results when working with someone else. An astrological consultation works as a mirror so you don’t get caught repeatedly in a cycle of doing the same thing.
If that sounds good to you, explore my offerings here:
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Here’s to happy and fulfilling relationships!